The other day I was at a gym getting a protein shake. The young man behind the counter seemed like a great kid with a bright future ahead of him, and it was for that reason that I set to inquire about his life. I shared just a little about myself, mentioning  that I write about life as a blogger and that I am also a photographer. He opened up immediately to let me know that he struggles with depression and was trying to make a comeback after trying to kill himself.

I was taken aback, and not too understanding. He didn’t know me from anyone and here he was telling me that he is weak and sad. I wanted to loop my arm in his and take him aside to lecture about exposed vulnerability and public courtesy. I didn’t ask him about his life because I wanted the darkest detail. I wanted to be introduced to the best of him. Then I had to ask myself if maybe that candor is the best of him. I know it’s the best of me.

Yesterday while on facebook, I read a post written by a sweet, not quite elderly woman who I used to work with as a personal trainer.  There was a time I was into fitness until the industry ruined it for me. I should say that my level in a corporation needs to be brain level, and the only value I found working as a personal trainer were the people. The entire facility was staffed with Best Buy sales drones, and yes, I am half joking. Most of them have been fired now, replaced by more sales drones. The business was not one I ethically agree with because the messages are too mixed, but then that’s an entirely different blog. Yesterday I was reading a post written by my old friend. A woman that I love dearly.

She wrote: “As I scroll through the facebook posts I get happy, I get sad, I get angry, I get judgmental.  I get hurt. I get weepy. I get empathetic. I get grossed out, and so much more. Sometimes it’s more emotion that I can handle, and I don’t like that about myself so… I’m thinking of taking a short hiatus from Facebook to regroup, so if you do not see me, never fear… I will be back. I will be on for a little while longer today, but don’t expect to see me for the next couple of days… I love you all!!!!!”

Her exit was like a last good-bye from life, like she should need to apologize for having an actual real life. Facebook isn’t real, but yet we are attached umbilically. The connection is almost morbid and I am speaking from my own mind, not hers. I feel exactly the same way and sometimes worse, yet I post to Facebook religiously. Sometimes I post at great expense. Sometimes I post knowing I will damage my own reputation, except that I want mine to be honest and what then of my pride if the reply from the public is… WELL WE DON’T LIKE YOU NOW. HONESYLY.

(How many likes do your posts get? Do people really like you?)

The unlike button never made it to fruition did it, but of course we know how to manipulate the system. We do things like purposely NOT like someone’s status. I generally try to avoid political propaganda as options for “liking” unless of course it’s in regard to me running  for president. I like the hell out of that sh*t. Then there is trashy talk and swearing. What kind of messages are we sending our children. I can’t tell you what kind of message the F-bomb sends, but I do know I read an article about a kid who set his classmate on fire over a text message and that the adorable kid next door keeps getting tortured by bullies at school even though his mom works in the school system. Do I “Like” those posts? and when is life too real? I also have a friend who likes to post pictures of his own poop floating in his toilet. Do I “like” the post in celebration of is healthy bowel or do I ignore his childish behavior?  We are grown-ups after all…

We do take ourselves so serious as we admit we are all soft hearted cry babies. Can you imagine how most of us would fend in the wild? I would probably die from being pissed that I forgot a jacket. I despise being cold and I certainly do not like being vulnerable. Facebook is a certain bravery and I am interested as to the evolution of psychology because this IS a pioneer field. I imagine there are already researchers conducting brain scans and studies, charting which areas are stimulated, mapping out more human behavior.  We try so hard to figure it all out don’t we. Me, I see people who are running life smoothly and I add a little more pressure to make sure I am living the level I am capable of. Other humans show me my own potential by being great. I try to place myself in the food chain of billions. How’s that for small dick syndrome. Thank God I am a woman and speaking of God…

(What about religion and facebook? How do you feel about that? Tell us how you FEEL?)

 FEEL. FEEL. FEEL. ARE YOU STILL FEELING? DO YOU WANT TO FEEL THESE THINGS?

Facebook is an emotional connection and yes, please be aware of the stream of consciousness because you can control it by who you let in your feed. These days I use my Facebook page as a vision board for growth, and also as an outline for my business plan.  Facebook is a place for me to represent my true self and not the social expectation. I don’t care if it’s meant to me a happy social club. I am not the kind of girl who goes to those kinds of clubs. I am the girl who sits by a river to write, while crisp air and cool rocks remind me that I am warmest home. I have the right to close every door when I feel like Facebook is too open. The same is true of life. That being said, please be mindful that we need to be open to life. It is essential, just as there is reason we suffer from emotion. It is an evolutionary necessity. It is for that reason that believe that Facebook is exactly what it is. It is the face you can make differently by reflection.

 

IN APOLOGY:

If you are someone I worked with at THE FITNESS CORPORATION and you were offended by my reference and perspective, please don’t be. If I liked you, the feeling was genuine and maybe my comment was with only one person in mind or the most obvious problem is the one I put in BOLD. I am not a fan of that corporation. It is a loathing not meant to be personal. I apologize for all offense.