How many of you out there are smoking weed now that is once again popular culture and legal statewide? Would you want people to know and have you ever considered it to be a problem? How many of you are now wondering if I smoke pot? What would you think of me if I don’t? What would you think of me if I do? What of your children? Would you want them to grow to make that choice?

I made a choice four years back. I made a choice to write about life the way that life really is. I went about it like a bull with horns running through the streets of Spain. People scattered. People hid. People were afraid of me. “What if she writes something bad about me? What if she tells my secrets? I do not want her to write about me at all.”

I think that most adults prefer to hide so that they can do those things they really want to do without guilt and scrutiny. We only have one life and gosh dangit that life should include experiences we want to have. I know that I am that way. I do not want anyone making me feel bad about my choices because I weigh all of mine out so heavily. I also do not want my preferences and then the opinions of others to hinder my ability to succeed. I am living for that purpose. I want to succeed.

Success is no longer a squeaky clean image, though I do have that vision for myself. “Just keeping it real.” If I am keeping things real I will admit that I have a really hard time with people who seem to make all the right choices. On the flip side of that same coin I understand that those right choices are only right by my perception and I gave them that assertion based on my own failure. I become a failure when I see people who are doing things better. Or are they?

I am not able to live up to my own standards yet. That is the truth of where I am today. I am working toward becoming who I want to be before I die, but I am nowhere close. I am also closer than I have ever been and my remaining years are flying FAST. I plan to have my first million made by my 40th year. Today I only have thousands in assets. I would be sad about it except last year I finished with $4 to my name,

This brings me to money and greed. Does it bother you when people have more than they should have? Do you wonder why some people have it all and others can barely keep it together? Does it offend you that I write about wanting to make so much money? Do you believe that I will succeed or do you think I am all talk?

Public perception is powerful. It is everything in the end. As much as we try to tell ourselves that we can be and do what ever the hell we want in life the truth is that there is consequence. Donald Trump is the perfect example of that. He ruined his campaign and run for president before he got started and at the very same time his financial empire began to collapse. His biggest alliances turned and now fate will decide his punishment. It is a shame. He could have taught our country a lot about finance and business. It is a shame that he chose to run his mouth the way he did. I understand that it feels good to speak truth but world leaders are global thinkers. Our president is not about our country. Our president is about loving the world. ‪#‎don‬‘tbetrumped

How many of you out there are worried about what is happening in the world? How many of you have given up hope that there is any good way to save it? How many of you out there have accepted life to be what it is?

I do not accept reality and it is for that reason and that reason alone that my life has been a struggle. I absolutely refuse to settle for what I am living through. Most of what I am living through is learning, but how do I take my knowledge and turn it to action,  to progress, when the things that I know are not stamped by Harvard. Where is my credibility?

I have not earned it yet.

I asked my friend the other day, “Do you think I am a narcissist?” His immediate reaction was, “No”. I liked that he did not need to stop to consider it. I love that my self confidence is not being perceived as toxic and indulgent. I wonder though if he knows that a narcissist is? Then I wondered why I keep trying to give myself labels that are not flattering when I know that people do not see me that way. FAT, for example. I am scientifically fat right now. This means I can prove it by measured standards. Yet, when I say it out loud people are offended. The truth feels like a put down.

Maybe we have grown too soft and perfect. That is how I feel this morning as am not looking forward to the days that are coming. I do not want to start my fitness challenge on July 15th. I do not want to live life with that kind of discipline and I know because I have. I also understand that success takes sacrifice. If I want to live the life of rich and famous I better be willing to give up the average that I am now. Perfection is not boring. It is growing to become exactly who you want to be and living the life you have vision for.

Today is my day five of the Ultimate Oxygen Challenge. The actual challenge begins on July 15th and the program information will be revealed at that time. I decided to commit to make needed changes upon enrollment and this blog is my accountability. I will be writing through this journey. ‪#‎TeamAmber‬ ‪#‎TeamErin‬ ‪#‎TeamBrianne‬ Last night I had Pina Coladas and cheese filled hot dogs for dinner. Every meal that I have feels like the last meal I will ever eat. I do not want to stop eating or make healthy food choices. I want to visit all of my favorite restaurants to order one of all the things I love. It is almost time…