Yes, you…

I know that you want the best for me. Don’t you think I know that!?

Don’t you think I see that you want me to know just how special I am and what I am worth and how I should be treated? Don’t you think I see? Do you see me living my life with eyes open or do you think I have my head in the sand?

You want me to hate him. To turn my feelings off and turn them inward because he doesn’t love me right so I should stop loving him? He doesn’t deserve any more of my time or attention because he had more of me than anyone and he did not return the love that you all feel for me.

You love me. Why can’t he?

Who says he doesn’t? Maybe he loves himself more. Maybe he was never meant to be mine. I call him my angel because that is what he has been. He’s been an angel even through the worst of himself and he is sometimes a devil. Yes, he breaks my heart. Not once, but over and over until that same heart comes back stronger to say… AGAIN.

He teaches me sides of life I forget to look at and yes, it is an agony for me to imagine days that are not close enough to inspect through his eyes because they are eyes I admire and adore. He does not see the same way I do.

He cares about the world free of people. Elephant are his favorite animal and he studies them enough to create the likeness as he carves away at blocks of wood. I like to sit and watch the wood fly as he slices new creation and sometimes I distract him and he tries to cut off his hand.

Then we are rushing off to hospital, quiet because we know it is deep, “You are going to be OK.”

Then we are laughing because it was OK and aren’t we glad to be alive to see another day together again….

We are not together anymore???

YOU. PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME.

I know you want me to say good-bye to him so that the right guy will say hello. The guy who will take his place….

I am exactly where I want to be. The right guy will find me. I carry a rubber chicken for crying out loud. It isn’t that complicated.