I woke up with leg cramps sometime in the middle of night. I think it must have been close to morning because it seemed like as soon as I relaxed to free the tension of my muscles the morning was back to say, “WAKE UP.”

I didn’t want to get up though. I feel so tired that I want to stay in bed to sleep because I have not been sleeping right for weeks and wouldn’t it be nice to catch up on rest? “You can’t catch time Amber Garibay. Get out of bed and go get that white rabbit.”

I gave myself a pep talk as I imagined rabbits multiplying without any direction to chase. Now I am sitting here drinking coffee in Wonderland. I used real sugar because I couldn’t remember where I put the Stevia and what if I have Alzheimers?

WHAT IF. WHAT IF. WHAT IF.

What if I get kidnapped by seven dwarfs that all insist they are taller than me. It won’t make the truth any different. I am here, my mind is sound, and I have a fitness challenge to win. What do I plan to do with today?

I should probably get some work done. My thoughts immediately go to the work I need to sit on my a$$ to do. Hours and hours in front of my computer. My shoulders pulled forward as my back slumps. I am in poor posture too often, which reminds me that today is an upper body workout, which takes me to the gym. When should I go today? Maybe I will go now. Maybe I should drink water first instead of this coffee that is dehydrating. I am sure I should have a banana and what will happen if I deviate from my coach’s plan? Will I lose at life and fail miserably?

I am imagining myself as a coach because I’ve been a personal trainer before. I remember all the clients I wanted to help and their refusal to stick to the plan I knew worked. I keep whispering that trust to myself as I place my fate in Erin’s hands through training. Yesterday I took my rest day even though I felt like the choice will cost me the contest. I know that the winners are trying to work hardest and for me letting go of that drive is near torture. I feel like I am the Karate Kid waxing floors. Today I will stay true to the plan. I am not a coach. I am a student.