before 5
“How can I be this f*cking stupid!” That was my thought this morning as I realized that I have run out of time. The deadline to upload BEFORE pictures is today. Of course I procrastinated. Why wouldn’t I wait until the clock is about to run out? Tick. Tick. Tick. #whiterabbit
I still have the full day, so it wasn’t like I had missed my chance. Except, I took my before pictures five days ago and now I’m into my fitness program, already slimming down, and the first before pictures are WRONG. I am not a meticulous master. I am and imbecile.
The error was obvious and I knew it back then. The contest rules insist that you hold a sign that has the date clearly written for the front body before shot. I stood there with mine like I had drool falling from my face and straw for brains….
I did not hold the paper to the side with one hand in bright and clever genius. NO. I thought to myself, “Well, that was a stupid rule. I should probably take a fourth picture without the paper so that they can actually see my body if they decide they missed it.
This morning I sat down to upload my compromise and before I did I scanned the CONTEST RULES once last time to see…. 1) Do not hold the paper in front of your body. 2) You must upload three images only.
Who is going to take my picture? There was a short panic when I realized I would need to wake up my daughter who is never nice when she would rather be sleeping and left alone. I poked her like a bear with a stick.
“Sapphire, I need you to wake up.” Her mouth was open and she was snoring. I couldn’t wake her gently so I shook her instead. “Hey, I am so sorry, but I need you to wake up. I need you to take my before picture. The deadline is today.”
She opened one eye like a dragon to stare back at me. Her eye was red and so was her was her disposition. I could feel her irritation at my incompetence. I felt like meat that she would eat if she could tear my head off, but instead she decided to spare me with a save. “Ok,” was all she said and I took it with joy and a thank you.
“Thank you! I will get the lights ready. I needed you to help me.” I was too happy for her morning.
She glared at me as she stumbled and took my camera half asleep. “All I gotta say is you better win.”

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