Things are going really, really, REALLY, good for me right now. I’m emphasizing because I remember some months back being a different story. Three months back I was crying my eyes out with a broken heart. We broke up again. This time for good.

Drama much?

I do not know why I let myself suffer the way that I do. I’m blubbering like an idiot, crying, “He doesn’t love me….”

Meanwhile he’s standing there laughing at me, “I don’t love you? Ok. I never said that… but OK…”


The two of us are ridiculous. I am glad we broke up. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to us. I am even happier that we got back together again. For awhile there I was wondering and of course people are pissed at me, disgusted. “Really Amber. You deserve better.”

Don’t we all deserve better than complicated? People have opinions because I created a reason for them by sharing what I do. I hold a new appreciation for privacy. It is needed. Now let me tell you more of my private business… 😉

I do not deserve better than love and he loves me unequivocally. He treats me like a treasure. He notices if my skin raises in cold before I do, rubbing my arms, then bringing me a sweater. #sweaterweather

He takes care of me. He notices and remembers my life, the comings and goings, all the names, all the people. He remembers to ask about the families I photograph. He cares about my life and the people in it.

He compliments me. There is not a day that goes by that he does not take time to praise me. He notices when I am wearing something new. He describes the details of what he likes and then also sometimes what he does not like. He is opinionated and sometimes harsh. He is also brash and playful. A Tapestry.

I enjoy him. I enjoy our lazy days spent watching old shows like ‘The Rifleman’, and “I Love Lucy.” You should see his face light up to see ‘Land of the Lost.” I remember, but I can’t get into that one. I can still whistle the tune from ‘The Andy Griffith Show,’ and I can almost recite the lyrics to ‘Boomerang.’ If you remember the award winning children’s show hosted by Marni Nixon in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s…

He remembers.

Time has let us unravel each other and yes, sometimes discovery is a horror. What I mean to say is that we take space when we need space and sometimes that space looks like one of us is heading out in a different direction. Not long though. Not long. No matter how far we have been thrown from each other, something brings us back. Much like that boomerang he remembers to my delight.

This morning I watched him read in the moody light of our living room. His dog had his head in his lap, his coffee was perched as was his gaze. He was immersed in the morning, which are our hours before the day demands and we are separate. I always hate to see him go. To work he goes.

I am glad he goes to work because I don’t think I could get anything done if he were home. He’s like time in a bottle, a walk in the woods until man made responsibility can wait. An adventure… even in the quiet of simple ordinary mornings.

A friend of mine lamented once that she only wishes he expressed his feelings for me the way that I do for him. Except, I know that his way is not my way and his way is complicated. It took awhile for me to realize that he’s loved me all along.

It’s nice to imagine that love is something that rides in on a white horse with fairy tale proclamations. I know that there is someone out there that wants to give me the sun and the moon and stars… That someone takes me hiking.

amber and Josh 2

He comes to visit me at lunch. He sends me a text to let me know he might be late and ten minutes later he is there.He comes home to me faithfully and it’s been that way for years. He’s there for me. He’s there beside me. He’s my person. He brings me flowers and candy. Too much candy and then there is cheese. He showers me with my favorite things.

I am grateful to our friends family and loved ones. They have been supportive of us while we’ve been trying to figure out what the hell we are doing with each other. One minute I love him. Then I hate him and what the heck is this middle school?

Yes, I am sometimes childish and oh my goodness I have no excuse other than to say that he drives me crazy in a good way and I am happy. I know that you wanted me to have it easily. HAPPY. I know I deserve to be happy and I am.It doesn’t matter how we got there. I just matters that we made it. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: