Love yourself first. Love is selfish.

Where is your faith in me? Where is the respect for my choice, in the quality of my selection. Of course he deserves me! You may be right that he could not realize it at first, just as I have always known that he had no idea he has struck gold. He has a winning lottery ticket… The numbers are coming slowly.

I stopped the video, the one I am referencing in this writing, about half way through. It was hard for me to listen to the man cast so much blame and also give power. I am not a woman who likes to give my power away.

When I broke up with my boyfriend the last time I told him, “I want my power back.” My choice to break-up with him was born from my refusal to sacrifice my own wants and needs. He was not willing to give me what I asked. Fine then… I will find someone that will.

Except.

I don’t want someone. I want him. Why won’t he give me what I want?

I asked God. He reminded me that love is patient.

So I waited.

I waited and all those things I thought he would cherish… He did cherish them.

I waited and the trust we didn’t have developed over time. It grew as we grew to know each other. The truth can not be hidden when two people are close and we are. He has not kept any secrets from me. What I can not find he shares.

I asked God. I asked God when things were hard for us, I asked him when I realized that the truth is far more complicated than anything that can be spoken, I asked him, “Why God? Why would you send me this beautiful person and then throw in things I can not accept? Why would you do those things to me?”

God reminds me that love is not conditional as he holds out one hand. Then he gives me free will with the other.

Love does not mean that I should stay and I won’t if the relationship does not serve me. I am selfish too. Let’s be clear about that. I am staying in my relationship for the same selfish reason. We got back together because we are selfish. He makes me happy in a way that no one else can and my life is now open in ways I hadn’t imagined. Meaning… Love is the freedom of choosing to give love. It’s torture to have it rescinded but it only breaks us if we stop giving. Giving love returns love.

We are not in cages. He can not break my heart. He makes me feel. I can choose to be a puppet or I can master my own strings because love is not one emotion it is many. #AmberGaribay #thelifeyouliveisachoice #livehappy