KICK YOUR OWN ASS: a dedication to my dad.

I am writing you on Facebook again. It’s funny that I write you letters that you will never read. I am smiling now, remembering yesterday’s lecture about wasting time on useless ventures. Facebook for example, Facebook is said to be a waste of time.

It’s not though. Social media is a pioneer business, an opportunity that many MOMprenuers are now taking advantage of. I could try to explain but it’s easier to show you. Let me show you what I accomplish.

We talked about jobs yesterday, about what kind of job I could do that would pay me enough. Enough so that life is not feast or famine. A job with benefits. A job with security. A job that includes plans for retirement. What kind of job can I find without a college degree?

I do not want to go back to college. I remember feeling like college was frivolous. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my education, but so much of it was indulgent. College felt like wearing Armani clothes in the middle of the forest. Where can I exchange my jimmy choo shoes for hiking boots, or better yet, running shoes. College was not practical to life, which costs money. I was not willing to live life in debt to knowledge. I figured that if I wanted to learn bad enough I could for free. The internet is a vast resource. If only I could find motivation and direction at once.

Starting my own business required money that I did not have. I went into debt for that and then after I invested most of what I earned back to feed that debt. It’s interesting though, the more debt I had the more money I made….

I am really good at making money. I know that about myself and yet there are times I allow myself to be poor. Sometimes I even convince myself that I can’t be successful again. Those are the times I call you crying. Then you tell me that it’s bullsh*t. Of course it is. I know better and you know better. There is no reason I can’t do it again, success can always be duplicated when there is a formula. Business is a formula. Math. It’s a numbers game. An easy one…

Wouldn’t we all be successful then? It’s entirely possible and yet… There are times I allow myself to be poor. Yes, we are back there again dad. Back to the beginning of starting over. I know how to run my business and that is why I do not need your money to bail me out. You are welcome to invest in my business, but I’m not willing to be in debt again.

I am in essence starting over. I did give up my photography business for a short span, but beyond that I did not have the resources to survive let alone climb. When you get kicked into a hole you must first make it to level ground. THEN. You start building the foundation. Shelter comes later. The storm reminds me how much I love structure and fortification.

Wisdom. You told me that your own father was not good to you. I would argue. Your dad paid you the highest compliment. He made you a hard man. The world needs more men like you. People who can survive when nature wins. When the planet insists that we repent.

Sapphire asked about you last night. She wanted me to tell her your story and I did. She was solemn and then she yelled at me for not teaching her how to plant seeds. Now she wants to know how to plant a garden. She was indignant when I told her that spoiled children do not fare well when life becomes hard and it will. She knows what I know. She is not spoiled. She’s been sheltered by love. I’ve insisted that she live with her eyes open. I never gave her Disneyland.

How can we prepare anyone for life? How could you have ever known that your own daughter would run away from home when she was just a child. I can not imagine what it felt like to be a father under your circumstances. I will tell you that I grew up fast and I was ready. I was ready to find my own way.

This is the beginning of 2016 and I will soon be thirty-nine years old. I wonder what the world will be like when I am sixty? I wonder what I will be writing you then? God willing you will stay here for me to talk to when I feel like I am losing and I sometimes do. Then you remind me that it’s just because my mom spoiled me. I am perfectly capable if only I pull my head out of my own ass. Thank you father. Today I promise to kick my own ass.

It’s not a statement. It’s an axiom.
Love YOU!! Amber 🙂

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