The truth? I simply can not do it all. I am faced with hard choices every day. Do I want my house to be clean or do I want to run my business? Do I want to be available to help my family or do I want to be busy making money?
I am a modern “liberated” woman and yet I am enslaved by great expectations. It’s not enough to be enough. I need to be the best.
I think about suicide. I am writing about it candidly because there needs to be more awareness.
“The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) collects data about mortality in the U.S., including deaths by suicide. In 2014 (the most recent year for which full data are available), 42,773 suicides were reported, making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans (Figure 1). In that year, someone in the U.S. died by suicide every 12.3 minutes on average.”
I am not a sad person. I do not spend my time dwelling or blaming society. I am not mad at anyone. I’m not depressed. No, I do not need to talk to anyone. No, I don’t need an intervention. Yes, I know how serious it is.
Weakness is a stigma. We want all our humans to be fortified and unstoppable. We tell them that they are capable of anything, that we are all full of super power.
I agree with that. People are amazing, possessing more strength and potential than most give credit for in reality. Even super heroes have strengths and weaknesses. Let’s use Superman himself as an example, he’s not the best at everything. He’s got a bag of tricks: he flies, he is really strong, he can see through things. Does he know how to knit a sweater? What about socks? Could Superman make me some socks if my feet are cold? I wonder if he knows how to build a house made out of brick? I wonder if Superman is a good photographer
I am a good photographer. I like that super power. I really wish I knew how to build a house made out of brick though. I love brick houses. How do I create a life that includes one? Maybe that is too much of an aspiration?Maybe I shouldn’t want for material things, but can’t I have a life where I choose my shelter? Can’t I have at least that one freedom
The price. Here comes the negotiation . What is it worth for me to have it.
People sacrifice their lives for freedom. They do so and I in turn have choices. I have the opportunity to choose my own destiny, my own outcome. I think about that when I feel like squandering my own life. It is not my right to choose my own death, just like I never asked to be born. I was put here with one purpose and that is to live. I am here to live. Life must go on.
I’m eating an apple right now. This is a HUGE success because yesterday I chose bacon and sugar for breakfast. I am so pleased with myself I might eat a candy bar later. It’s all about balance after all. Somewhere in the middle I find peace. I do find it though. I choose to live a happy life. It’s the greatest gift I can give to those who made the ultimate sacrifice. To those who died so that I have the freedom to pursue my own bliss.