I read a lot of articles written for entrepreneurs. They are all written neatly, structured and optimized. There is no emotion in them. There is nothing to take them off course of the USEFUL that they are. It’s never personal. There is a formula to success, rules that the best follow. The results appear to be pristine.
No one writes about the contemplated suicide or the stress. No one is honest about the structure it takes to stay focused or the sacrifice and what that looks like. No one writes about the loneliness, or the desolate island that is creation. No one sees me in my grubby sweats, with my grease soaked hair, and my make-up smeared, as I stuff my face full of Cheetos and candy. I am drinking vodka and bubblegum flavored soda. I’ve been sitting at my computer for fourteen hours. No one writes about that success. If it is success and I assure you that it is. I really like vodka and bubble gum soda. I am especially fond of candy.
Being and entrepreneur is some kind of hell. I am pretty sure it is the worst kind of different to be. Who can I talk to that understands just how frigid I need to be, while being radiant at the same time? Who can forgive the selfish and the demanding and the insistence? I am aggressive. I am sharp. Too sharp. Uptight, serious, so serious. Do I really need to be?
I would like to be a pretty, pretty princess. I would wear a beautiful dress and I would be graceful. I would laugh and be light, without a care because there is no reason to worry. Except I am not a princess. I am savage. I am a different kind of beautiful. Much darker than pink taffeta and cotton candy. Not as easy to sully. I am practical and pragmatic. The toddler in me still mourns for the princess I never was.
He walked through the door with my favorite coffee. By “he” I am referring to my real life happy ending. #JoshuaNicholas The gentleman who romances me when life will not allow my fairytale to be real. “I saw your video on Facebook,” he smiled gently. “You looked so sad. I came home from work. I don’t want you to feel alone.”
Someday I am going to have $10 million dollars just to show him what love can do. His care inspires me to create Walt Disney magic. People keep telling me my dreams are possible. I will be nice for us all when I get there. Through love every miracle is possible. I already have the best of all things. The rest is entertainment. I can’t fail when I have already won.