SEXUAL JUDGEMENT AND COOKING WITH FINGERS: A Vlog

“Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can’t strike them all by ourselves; we need oxygen and a candle to help. In this case, the oxygen for example, would come from the breath of the person you love; the candle would be any kind of food, music, caress, […]

TO THE MAN WHO THINKS HE CAN DRIVE MY CAR

He asks me why I am not in the driver’s seat. I laugh because he thinks he can drive my car. “This guy,” I chuckle to myself. “I bet he doesn’t even know how to drive a stick.” The guy is a handsome set of teeth and he’s tall. Too tall? I don’t know. I […]

WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH A CARPET CLEANER?

1:04pm Day three of the fitness challenge feels like more life being more life. I made myself eat lunch, barely. Right now I have a wad of chicken breast sitting on my desk and an apple I started to eat at some point. I could have sworn I grabbed a fresher one, but I suppose […]

IS FOOD BETTER THAN SEX?? #foodslut #weightloss

Today is the first day of my fitness/f*ckIcan’teatpizza challenge. I am thinking about sex, pizza, sex, pizza, sex, and can I get cashews on that pizza??

SHE KISSED THE BOYS AND MADE THEM CRY

“Be nice!” he pointed at me begrudgingly. “Don’t be mean to the guys who are messaging you. They are reaching out in kindness. Be nice to them.” I folded my arms and stuck my tongue out at him. “I do not want to be nice. I can’t handle the level of stupid that most guys […]